Homeschooling with Danny Dyer

Introducing Rakewell, Apollo’s wandering eye on the art world. Look out for regular posts taking a rakish perspective on art and museum stories

Rakewell is delighted by the news that homeschooling just got serious in the UK – with the announcement that BBC Bitesize daily lessons will now be led by some of the sharpest thinkers in the country. History classes are to be joined by that learned lad Danny Dyer (a direct descendant of Edward III, don’t you know?) and counting in Spanish (must be a new subject) will be held under the auspices of Manchester City striker Sergio Agüero. The former shadow chancellor Ed Balls – more regularly spotted by Rakewell shelling out for vast joints of meat in a north London butcher’s these days – is to mop up the maths with Key Stage 3 classes.

Rakewell looks forward to sponging up knowledge from that lot during lockdown. But he’s a little aggrieved to note that the celebrity seminars don’t run to art or art history – and has a few suggestions for Auntie Beeb. Why not call in England cricket captain Joe Root, who has an art A-level, to give drawing classes? Or redeploy Strictly Come Dancing’s Claudia Winkleman to give classes on Renaissance art? (She has a history of art degree from Cambridge, and one of the great art history surnames of all time – almost.)

Heck, with that surname couldn’t Danny Dyer just double up as the textiles teacher? Of royal blood he may be, but there’s surely also a medieval clothworker lurking on that family tree somewhere.

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