The Rake’s Progress: A Week in Gossip

Introducing Rakewell, Apollo’s wandering eye on the art world. Look out for regular posts taking a rakish perspective on art and museum stories. Follow @Rakewelltweets.

To Art Basel Miami Beach, where art critics fear to tread and celebrities compete to see whose vanity project provokes the highest volume of semi-ironic incredulity on social media. (For the record, Adrien Brody is this year’s winner in that category.) 2015 has proved a vintage year on the bonkers entertainment front, not least for Julian Schnabel’s unsolicited turn as a guest speaker at restaurateur Michael Chow’s event at the W Hotel.

When Chow’s wife Eva had difficulty silencing the Dom Perignon-swilling crowd as she attempted to make a speech, Schnabel angrily lept up to the mic. ‘Ah, you shut up’, he told the guests, before handing MC duties back to Ms Chow.

But he wasn’t done yet. After a few more speeches were drowned out by the crowd’s hobnobbing, he raced back to recite a poem. Failing to find the text he sought on his phone, he rambled listlessly before pleading once again: ‘girls and boys, shut the f**k up please’. Charming.

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Stop press: Pantone has announced its ‘Colour of the Year’ for 2016 – and for the first time in the history of this momentous accolade, it has named not one but two colours.

The lucky hues in question are ‘Serenity’ (Pantone 13-1520) and ‘Rose Quartz’ (Pantone 13-3919), replacing the outgoing Marsala. ‘Serenity’ indeed. For according to Pantone, ‘consumers seek mindfulness and well-being as an antidote to modern day stresses’.

‘Joined together, Rose Quartz and Serenity demonstrate an inherent balance between a warmer embracing rose tone and the cooler tranquil blue,’ says the company, ‘reflecting connection and wellness as well as a soothing sense of order and peace’.

Lovely. The colours are, of course, the intellectual property of Pantone. Be warned: the company might well see ‘Chili Pepper Red’ (Pantone 7427) should the unassuming consumer wish use them for their own ends…

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Back in the real world, Rakewell is getting worried about his Christmas shopping. But salvation is at hand, courtesy of goop.com, the e-commerce website and weekly lifestyle publication ‘curated’ by actress Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth and team have sourced – sorry, ‘curated’ – everything the casual art lover could ever need for the festive period. If it’s beauty and practicality you’re looking for, why not splash out on a beach towel designed by artist Ryan McGinley? ‘Looks like art, sure’, the website’s caption tells us, ‘but it’s one of those things you always need’. Indeed we do, and it’s a snip at $95.

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Last but in no way least, a life-sized sculpture of Russian President Vladimir Putin has gone on display in St Petersburg. The catch? It’s made out of more than 70kg of chocolate.

Whether the work has a political subtext or not, the Rake can’t be sure. The question is: is it fashioned from bitter dark chocolate or – surely more appropriate for the former KGB man’s inherent sweetness – the softer milk variety?

There’s only one way to find out. Yum.

Got a story for Rakewell? Get in touch at rakewell@apollomag.com or via @Rakewelltweets.